Farewell, mornings

22 March 2009
12:57 AM

It is past midnight and I should be in bed very sound asleep. I am a morning person and I need to get to bed early so that my mornings could start right. But being almost a year in grad school changed everything. I fought hard for my right when it comes to sleeping but I never win! Things just won’t let me. Now, there is only one choice left for me – ADJUST!

When things about my rights bother me, uncountable thoughts come flooding my brain. They rush and flood me in a fraction of a second that sometimes I could not control them, making me give up and either collapse or cry...

Once, I fainted while on an extension activity. I was feeling something weird. I didn’t know what it was but I didn’t like it. Since I was in a public place I tried diverting my attention and told myself that I am well. However, the pain was so intense that I panicked and gave up the control. Hence, I fainted. I only got myself back when I heard the doctor tell someone to take off my bra. I got up and told them that I will do it and I want warm water.

My neurologist told me that I have the tendency to control my brain about my emotions; that I can make my brain stop myself from feeling something. And she (the neurologist) strongly told me to STOP doing it!

But how do I do it? Should I stop controlling my emotions and choose to get hurt and end up crying later? I am such a cry baby that is why I try hard to perfect self control. If I let go, will there be an assurance that I will not feel pain anymore?

My case seems hopeless, isn’t it? That is why I desperately updated my vocabulary. I added to it the word ADJUST. That is the word for the season. My roommate sleeps late and wakes up early which distract me for I am a light sleeper. Oooops! Sleep is really a big deal for me and I am obsessive compulsive about it. Since I do not have the right to control other people’s schedule and since I have to learn to ADJUST, then my sleep will just wait until my roommate is already up. Then up and away to dreamland I go and my day will have to start at 1 PM.

Farewell, mornin